kenoma ➩ may 11th, late afternoon

[galdorleod]

[ The 'voice' that filters into the Kenoma Aions' minds will be instantly recognizable to anyone who has spoken to Howl in the past, but for the new Aions, this presence feels particularly... irreverent. Friendly and airy and carefree, in contrast to to the more callous apathetic mood that generally permeates Achamoth proper. In either case, yes, this is clearly Howl, and for someone who's been missing for a week, he sounds bizarrely normal. ]

Really? A party while I was gone?

Did you botch my invite by accident, or were you just having a laugh at me, ladies?

You've got to let people know about these things ahead of time. If ever you need a hand with all that in the future, come to me, alright?

[ His tone is only vaguely chiding, a sign that he's really not that bothered about missing out, even if he'd have preferred not to. With that out of the way, he switches gears. ]

To our new Aions: greetings! My name is Howl.

Please, forgive my absence at the Kenoma happening last week. Hopefully, it wasn't as miserable and humorless as the last one. Either way, you'll get used to this place, I promise.

If you've any questions that are yet unanswered, you ought to ask them, although I can't guarantee I'm the one to ask. But it's best not to get caught with your pants down, if you'll pardon the crude turn of phrase.

Comments

[expiera]

[Everything about Horos had been absurd since their "awakening", that's objective fact no matter how any of them are adapting individually. As someone who's already had her entire world upended and replaced more than once, it's merely experience Ciel never asked for, in how to accept completely unreasonable and ridiculous situations fostered upon them by factors completely out of their control. This is just... all she can do, in line of what's asked of them. Howl is right either way, whether or not he's in full control of his thoughts.

...]

That goes for every Aion on Horos, it's not just a Kenoma or Pleroma thing. The latter have also been plucked away from their home worlds, and there's no telling if they can recover what they've left behind no matter what they do.

[They're all fighting for a chance of something, there's no guarantee offered to any of them. She could have picked something else to say too, but given the clash between his words and demeanor, perhaps he could forgive her for answering similarly.

She's lowering her arms to her side regardless, done making her point that is no less ambiguous than everything else they've exchanged between them so far. They're both just Like That, hm? Ah, well. She's certainly in no hurry to divulge her own circumstances, that fact remains true even if their motivations for doing so may be different. But since they're already "here"...]

There's too much we don't know, we're told a lot of things we have no way of proving for ourselves. That we can continue to live on as Aions here as long as the container to our soul remain intact is probably true, there's no point for them to lie to us about something like that. ["It doesn't matter if we were dead, alive, or close to dying. Here, we live."] We're also separated from what we were bound to before, the good and bad things alike. [Loved ones, cherished things, but also burdensome and unpleasant things, especially the sort imposed by someone else.] Furthermore, we're told our abilities are supposedly influenced by the concept of self-actualization, so who knows, maybe changing your mindset could change other things about you that shouldn't have been possible before. It's something within our ability to test, so maybe you can think about that the next time you find your mind wandering? ["Instead of brooding over what you've lost, think about the things you could change about yourself, now that you're in a new world not beholden to the same laws and limitations as the one you're from before?"

It's not that she can't be straightforward. Things are just... Complicated. He sorta gets it, right? It's sensible advice and a very convoluted way to further the topic in any case, it doesn't matter how hypocritical she's being with what comes out of her mouth. Easier said than done for all of that, mmhm...]

[galdorleod]

[ The wizard frowns as he realizes Ciel is only going to dig her heels in deeper. Yes, the Pleroma's actions are just as devoid of meaning as theirs. But, they undoubtedly, undeniably do not see it that way at all, as enamored with hope as they are — which, on a personal level, is what makes all the difference to Howl. And it's worth noting that Howl does not consider what's been promised to them as lacking a guarantee, freshly out of brainwashing as he is now. He doesn't doubt that they will help craft the new world to come, he just... isn't particularly excited for or motivated by something so abstract. This, on its own, leaves him feeling distinctly purposeless.

He sighs and props a hand on his hip, signaling a hint of growing boredom. He gets it already, her point as been made. Really, his bigger takeaway from this conversation is that odd new curiosity towards her, but it's not like he's going to acknowledge it aloud. ]

For a Kenoma, you're so full of hope. It's almost inspiring. [ Howl huffs a laugh. ] Alright, then... you win.

[ His smile he gives her now is impenetrable. There's some calm amusement there, but it's deeper than that. The curiosity he feels towards her now is grounded in none other than the distinct suspicion that they have more in common than they realize. And this possibility comes with a hint of both disbelief and sorrow. He wouldn't wish his demons (figurative and literal) on anyone. But isn't it pointless to speculate on, anyway? It's not like he can explain the full story to her — the reason he is so sure that he cannot change in a way that matters. Not with his world gone. (His heart gone.) ]

I'll think about it. There's no harm in that, right?

[ Other than making him miserable, but he's already so miserable. Who's counting. ]

[expiera]

Oh? Is that so? [And just as quickly as she's been stern and unrelenting on his case, she seamlessly shifts to a pleasant and friendly smile.] I'll take it as a compliment, thank you.

[Looking probably a touch too pleased than she has any reason to be, she resumes their stroll down the hallway without missing a beat to her step. Fake it till you make it, as it goes.]

It's fine to take things at your pace, yes. Something as nebulous and intangible as purpose is naturally hard to define, people could spend their entire lives looking for it. There's no telling when something may catch your attention though, just please go at it less recklessly than before, okay? ["Less recklessly", she says, quite the understatement considering what he had been through.] Whether we like it or not, coming here did make us meet new people and offered us opportunities that would have been impossible back in our own. It wouldn't do to give up before you even start.

[They do say misery loves company, and here they are, all Kenoma. Checks out? ...In any case, if there's any particular focus in the way he looks back at her, she shows no signs of catching on. Being invested in their peers had been her own means of moving forward, for one. Getting attached is probably inevitable too, that's simply in their nature as humans are social creatures. So even if it's just this, wondering what her deal may be, it's something he can only accomplish if he keeps going on Horos. So little by little, perhaps he could find other reasons (to live) to add atop this one? Until one day...

...]

[galdorleod]

[ Sooner or later, something will grab Howl's attention as she said, but the wizard already knows that he won't be doing anything like he did before as reckless as he did before. Something new, just as reckless? Maybe. But not the same thing again. He's done putting himself in harm's way unnecessarily, mostly because the brainwashing has instilled some degree of self preservation into him (can't witness the triumph of the Kenoma if you're dead), but because he's learned that there's no need for him to rush out in the name of protecting others when nobody has asked him to. His fellow Aions have turned out much more capable than he initially assumed, although he should have known better after his bout with Ciel.

That bout. The reason she approached him back then was not so unrelated to what they're talking about now. This really is all coming from her heart, isn't it? Genuinely. It's hard to believe, but Howl might actually be starting to believe it, which only makes Ciel that much more incomprehensible. ]

I won't give up, then. I'll try.

[ Howl's voice comes from behind her, not moving from the spot he was standing even though Ciel turned to continue in the direction of the Aions' chambers. Then, suddenly, there is a rush of wind, blowing from behind Ciel and accompanied by the sound of feathers rustling and trembling. When she looks back to wherever it came from, she'll find the hallway completely empty. ]