KENOMA | VOICE

[vivificantem]

[There's something different tonight in Paul's baseline, something strange and energized in a way that he usually is not; perhaps it's evident, in the way his emotions are coming across, that it isn't necessarily a good sort of energized - they're strange and scattershot, almost crackling with a sort of manic feel behind them, though his words are steady enough as he goes.]

As I've made known to several of you, I've never been a combatant; I don't fight, and I've never had reason to become proficient with a weapon. And yet I don't disagree with those of you that have made it clear that we need to play to our strengths, if this is going to be a war we're going to win.

My own strengths have always lay with people - providing guidance, providing leadership. Knowing what they need to hear in order to press on, and knowing what they need to see to carry through whatever needs to be carried through. Finding those willing to serve, and willing to spare nothing in their service.

I've found that there are those here that are more than willing to accept my guidance - in the service of the Regent, and the service of the Kenoma. After all, who better than an Aion to give them what they're after? Those I refer to are more than willing to give up their lives in the interest of that service; it's just a matter of directing them to use that willingness in a more productive way.

I've taken up a position in the sect of Our Dark Regent's Church of the Precious Blood. Decently respected in Achamoth, despite their harsher proclivities. They seem a prudent investment to make - if we're to be at war, we'll need resources of one sort or another, and people are an acceptable resource to have.

After all, that's how the gospel spreads.

Comments

[sterngaze]

Ah—that's understandable, yes.

[He lets that particular tidbit slip by without further examination. Who would be eager to test something like that out?

Even beyond that detail, however, he seems less eager to probe further. His communion is closed-off and formal as he adds,] I hope you find success.

[vivificantem]

It's appreciated, Liem.

[Closed-off and formal though it may be, it's still a sentiment that didn't explicitly need to be expressed. And yet there it is, so it's not like it's something he'll choose to ignore.]

[vivificantem]

I won't try to say it's easy or anything, because I try not to lie to you. There's always some sort of difficulty in it. It'd be more concerning if there wasn't, you know?

But it doesn't feel wrong, either. As hard though it is, you can still feel something guiding you toward it. It's just a matter of knowing how much to listen to it.

[It's not something that he'd ever really thought he'd have to explain to anyone, but just the same, that doesn't mean he's not going to attempt, even if it's a kind of bad try.]

You need to know that what you're about to do is worth the result. That you won't harm them any more than the current situation is going to harm them, because the pain isn't the point. If the pain has become the point then something is...off.

[semicharmed]

[ Despite the subject matter, Matt can't help a little huff of amusement. It comes through in communion as a brief brightening, a quick-blooming, quick-fading light. ]

I appreciate that you try not to lie to me, [ he says, sincerely but with a hint of teasing. He sobers up quickly as he contemplates the rest of what Paul's said, however. Maybe it's just the way Paul has of phrasing things, but this is the first time Matt's wondered if maybe he's been making the pain the point, in reverse. It could be a good thing--or at least what someone rationally wants for themselves--to ease into oblivion by degrees. If Matt believes in the right to euthanasia, which he does, he doesn't really have grounds to oppose any masochistic religious practice. So maybe his misgivings are just his association with pain or injury as "bad," the association he's trying to unlearn. ]

I think I understand what you're saying, [ he murmurs after a moment. ] The pain isn't the point. Just rebirth.

But birth is, you know ... famously painful.

[vivificantem]

And yet it's still something that people willingly go through, because the result is worth the pain.

[Sometimes things are like that. Sometimes you go through hideous things and it's senseless and painful and brings nothing but suffering; sometimes you go through hideous things because that's what love looks like. The reasons have a lot to do with it, as does the result.]

[semicharmed]

Right, [ Matt agrees. ] The result is worth the pain.

Or so I hear.

[ It's a leap of faith, for sure. One the bottom to keeps getting deeper. But when Matt talks to Paul, the leap doesn't seem so impossible. It even feels right. ]