That may be true. So what? [ Since when does anyone here need to be a paragon of altruism to wish for more than the grisly end that may await a man his fellow Kenoma have come to know? And really, Barnaby professes that he doesn't expect such high standards, yet he drives the point home in a way that clearly wishes for it. Expressing all the severe disappoint of a parent's highest hopes dashed. As though everyone here has fallen impossibly short; incapable of measuring up to the martyred figure Barnaby now judges others by. ]
He and I don't need to be the same to prefer that you continue to exist, Barnaby. [ Makoto is nothing like the ghost of a man J had chased across the endless span of centuries. Every excruciating minute hollowed of even a shadow of the prior love he'd felt, nestled under Wald's protective care. His own body had been a living grave of a soul that never found peace, yet couldn't wrest itself free from the cage of flesh and blood it lay eternally snared within. In finding someone just as desperate as he'd ever been, half-starved for love and acceptance, J was offered the hope that his greatest wishes may be fulfilled. The same principle can be applied to Kotetsu and J. He doesn't have to be some heroic figure burned deep into the landscape of Barnaby's heart to provide what he needs. Namely, an obstacle to this self-destructive impulse that could put his life at risk. ]
And nice try, with your adorable ultimatum. But isn't it a little arrogant to assume you're the one calling the shots here? [ The world upon which demons preyed was filled with suffering: War, famine, disaster. People as a whole understood this fundamental fact. And with the awareness of fresh horrors unfolding upon the most helpless and vulnerable with their every breath, somehow they were still miraculously capable of going about their day, cycling through the same dull routine. Does the allowance of evil, a conscious acceptance that it will perpetuate into infinity, make those who turn their backs on it, to work a nine to five and come home to their wife and kids, guilty in their inaction? Of course not.
Evil is watching a child approach a busy street and not feeling compelled to stop them. Or witnessing a small animal drowning, it's head struggling to stay above the water of a bucket or family's pool, and choosing not to reach in to save their life. He may not necessarily be driven to take on those responsibilities. But here and now, with Barnaby in front of him, J does metaphorically reach out to offer a helping hand. ]
I can help by pointing out that you're doing a real bang-up job of looking out for yourself, without dropping everything to run off with you or turning a blind eye.
[ There's no way to save everyone who may suffer the ills of the Regent or the consequences of a war they've only just set foot within. And honestly? The demon doesn't wish to. That demands too much of a person standing on the precipice of oblivion, who flirts with gravity and dares it to tip him over the edge. Living every day feels like an endless cycle of pulling the air out from his lungs, then forcing it back in with the violence of reviving the dead. His own life is a candle left out in a drafty storm. Wavering and willing itself to stay lit, until the one meant to snuff it out finally makes his move.
To add Barnaby to that scale practically tips it over. J's cup already runs over with reasons to walk away, and yet he cradles this small attachment in the grand scale of things, for the tiniest fear it may too burn out without the shield of his hand. ]
Neither of those options are in the cards anymore. [ It's the closest thing to a warning he'll give Barnaby as to where the consequences of his actions may lead. J will gladly stand at his side, should his fellow Kenoma decide to shelve the formation of any mutinous ideas. If not? Well, that puts J in the uncomfortable position of weighing the risks of letting him go. That could lead to the Regent examining his egregious negligence in failing to report known dissidence, and using it to condemn him. And while the demon couldn't care less about himself, what would happen to his ward if J's shard was crushed beneath the Regent's boot?
Come Hell or high water, J will never place Makoto's head on the chopping block by daring to find out. He'll sacrifice himself, all of Horos, every Aion and the rest of the Universe first. ]
cw: Suicidal ideation
He and I don't need to be the same to prefer that you continue to exist, Barnaby. [ Makoto is nothing like the ghost of a man J had chased across the endless span of centuries. Every excruciating minute hollowed of even a shadow of the prior love he'd felt, nestled under Wald's protective care. His own body had been a living grave of a soul that never found peace, yet couldn't wrest itself free from the cage of flesh and blood it lay eternally snared within. In finding someone just as desperate as he'd ever been, half-starved for love and acceptance, J was offered the hope that his greatest wishes may be fulfilled. The same principle can be applied to Kotetsu and J. He doesn't have to be some heroic figure burned deep into the landscape of Barnaby's heart to provide what he needs. Namely, an obstacle to this self-destructive impulse that could put his life at risk. ]
And nice try, with your adorable ultimatum. But isn't it a little arrogant to assume you're the one calling the shots here? [ The world upon which demons preyed was filled with suffering: War, famine, disaster. People as a whole understood this fundamental fact. And with the awareness of fresh horrors unfolding upon the most helpless and vulnerable with their every breath, somehow they were still miraculously capable of going about their day, cycling through the same dull routine. Does the allowance of evil, a conscious acceptance that it will perpetuate into infinity, make those who turn their backs on it, to work a nine to five and come home to their wife and kids, guilty in their inaction? Of course not.
Evil is watching a child approach a busy street and not feeling compelled to stop them. Or witnessing a small animal drowning, it's head struggling to stay above the water of a bucket or family's pool, and choosing not to reach in to save their life. He may not necessarily be driven to take on those responsibilities. But here and now, with Barnaby in front of him, J does metaphorically reach out to offer a helping hand. ]
I can help by pointing out that you're doing a real bang-up job of looking out for yourself, without dropping everything to run off with you or turning a blind eye.
[ There's no way to save everyone who may suffer the ills of the Regent or the consequences of a war they've only just set foot within. And honestly? The demon doesn't wish to. That demands too much of a person standing on the precipice of oblivion, who flirts with gravity and dares it to tip him over the edge. Living every day feels like an endless cycle of pulling the air out from his lungs, then forcing it back in with the violence of reviving the dead. His own life is a candle left out in a drafty storm. Wavering and willing itself to stay lit, until the one meant to snuff it out finally makes his move.
To add Barnaby to that scale practically tips it over. J's cup already runs over with reasons to walk away, and yet he cradles this small attachment in the grand scale of things, for the tiniest fear it may too burn out without the shield of his hand. ]
Neither of those options are in the cards anymore. [ It's the closest thing to a warning he'll give Barnaby as to where the consequences of his actions may lead. J will gladly stand at his side, should his fellow Kenoma decide to shelve the formation of any mutinous ideas. If not? Well, that puts J in the uncomfortable position of weighing the risks of letting him go. That could lead to the Regent examining his egregious negligence in failing to report known dissidence, and using it to condemn him. And while the demon couldn't care less about himself, what would happen to his ward if J's shard was crushed beneath the Regent's boot?
Come Hell or high water, J will never place Makoto's head on the chopping block by daring to find out. He'll sacrifice himself, all of Horos, every Aion and the rest of the Universe first. ]