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audio / Soviseri 29 / all Kenoma

[ Howl's psychic voice is familiar in the way it sounds, but not in the way it feels. There is no mirth, no haughty playfulness, no usual thread of flippancy to his words. He is exhausted, on edge, and anxious, and it leaks into his message. Although "leaks" is not even the right word — he is making no real attempt at hiding his misery right now. ]

Aions have arrived in this world twice so far. The second batch appeared in the Shrines about three months after the first.

Tomorrow... marks another three months.

[ it's much too early to say there is any kind of pattern to it all, but... ]

Those of you whole enough to travel to the Shrines and check for new Aions must do so. We cannot afford to let the Pleroma strengthen their numbers.

[ And for now, he leaves it at that. No indication of what he is planning to do with his weekend, and definitely, conspicuously no mention of the mission failures, the traitors, or the prisoners. ]

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You needn't apologize.

[ It's a surprising response to receive, but not an unwelcome one. Howl has spent time pondering all of those things, and if that were all they needed to discuss, Matt would find the wizard to be wholly forgiving and understanding. He isn't sure how that power of his works, exactly, but it seems to be self-betraying. That's a tough downside to have to cope with, as far as he's concerned, and above it all, Howl owes Matt his life for using it. There's nothing for him to be embarrassed about.

Of course, though, a lot has happened since then, and now there's much more they're both coping with. As usual, Howl is in no rush to talk about it. ]

I'm gonna go to the shrines, [ Matt assures him, since that seems like Howl's biggest priority right now. A note of amusement enters his mental voice. ] And this time I actually have spare clothes on hand, so it can only go better than last time.

[ He hesitates. Just a flicker, the nerves maybe tangible to Howl through the communion, maybe not. ]

But it'd be nice to see you before then, maybe. Have a drink or something.

[ There's a moment of hesitation from Howl's side of the communion. The wizard is going to look different from the last time Matt saw him, and Howl does not feel entirely ready to be seen this way. To have to field questions that he himself does not know the answer to, to have to suffer others' worry when he is so much more worried for all of them. Especially Matt. Did he make it through their mission in Venera unscathed? Did he follow orders, or is he at risk of the Regent's wrath?

Finally, he answers, his concern for his friend winning out over the humiliation he might have to endure in his current state. ]

...Sure. When and where?

[ Matt is having similar thoughts, as it happens. He doesn't blame people for remarking on his hand--its absence is hard to miss--but he doesn't particularly enjoy the conversations that follow, so he's been trying not to have them. He hopes Howl will understand why he did what he did, but he can't count on it, and the uncertainty roils in his gut. Still. He can't (and doesn't want to) avoid the wizard forever.

Matt names a tavern that, in his experience, is upscale and fairly quiet. It's actually attached to one of the spas outside the Citadel. If they're going to have awkward conversations, they may as well do it where the atmosphere is pleasant and they won't have to yell. ]

Tonight? Maybe ten?

[ When ten rolls around, Matt's tucked into a corner booth with a drink already in hand. His alcohol and drug consumption is higher in Horos than it was back home, and since losing his hand, that figure has only grown. He wore his moth-wing mask to get here, and his omnipresent purple scarf to hide his shard, but now both are lying on the seat beside him.

He pauses to initiate communion again, just to send Howl an image of where he's sitting. ]

[ Howl knows this tavern and its connected spa. He arrives only five minutes late — which is about the equivalent of him being twenty minutes early — and makes it to the table with Matt's help.

As he sits, he does not notice anything wildly different about the other magician. His own mind is distracted with what Matt might say to him, having worried about it for most of the day. But here he is, for all to see... Shard uncovered, cheekbones and jaw lined with black feathers, arms and hands discolored and peppered with feathers that refuse to recede back into his body.

He can offer his friend a smile, at least. ]

You look well! ...what a relief. Did you order a drink for me?

Howl! [ Matt looks up, a broad smile overtaking his face. His heart can't help but lift as he catches sight of the other magic user; for a moment, the constant stress of the past months melts away. ] Hey, it's nice to see you.

[ He notices the feathers, and wonders briefly at what might be keeping Howl from undoing his spell the whole way--that's why the feathers stay, isn't it? Just the effort of the change? But the thoughts pass quickly, leaving his pleasure at seeing Howl undimmed.

His smile widens. ]

I gave it a shot, [ he admits--and sure enough, a server approaches with a gleaming orange cocktail that sparkles with ice. Slices of lemon float at the top. ] I went for decadent, but not outright dangerous. Buuut if you don't like it, I'll be happy to drink it.

[ Howl is taking his seat as the waitress approaches. He eyes the glittering drink curiously, and then turns his attention to the waitress herself, who is gazing wide-eyed at the Shard at the top of Howl's sternum. He slowly, deliberately reaches out to take the drink off her serving tray, which snaps her attention back to her work duties with a side dose of embarrassment.

After a few words of reassurance and gratitude, she hurries off, and Howl can finally return his attention to Matt and the drink itself. It only took a few seconds of the right combination of distractions to make Howl forget their woes. For now.

After taking a long sip, he smacks his lips and smiles at him. ] I think you might've nailed it. What is this? It's delicious.

A "Precious Blood"? It's got blood orange, gin, some sparkling wine ... those are the main notes.

[ Matt's only slightly distracted by Howl's you look well, which slipped by his immediate conscious acknowledgement but is now replaying itself on the walls of his skull. There's ... really not gonna be a good time to explain No, Actually. In the meantime, he smiles. ]

I'm glad you like it. This place in general has been a lifesaver. [ Matt's lips quirk. ] Sometimes you just need a massage. Or an aromatic bath. Normally I do them myself, but those are like, for spells or rituals mainly.

[ "Precious Blood." He ought to have expected a fittingly Achamothian name like that. Howl takes another sip as Matt talks, and by the time he sets the glass down, he trains his cool blue eyes on the other man with a knowing smile. ]

Massages and aromatic baths... is that really all this place does? ...All that you do?

[ Howl knows that by asking that question, he's skirting a metaphorical elephant in the room: what happened in Venera, and the nature of Matt's magic. But, screw it. He's ready to pull that band-aid off. There's no need for things to remain so awkward between them. ]

[ So ... here's the thing. Matt is technically smart. Smart on paper. He likes banter, he got into grad school, he's read reams of esoteric texts with big words and antiquated grammatical construction. But sometimes--a lot of the time--he manages to miss the not-technically-spoken drift of conversation, the kelp-sway of a person's deeper meaning. ]

Oh, no, [ he says hastily, on the verge of rattling off more treatments the spa provides. Maybe Howl has his heart set on a body peel? It's not until a moment later, when that canny smile fully penetrates and when all that *you* do manages to land, that Matt realizes: oh.

He looks to Howl with a sheepish laugh, taking refuge in a sip from his own wine-dark drink. ]

Ahh ...

I don't think anyone here knows all I do, actually.

No?

[ Howl smiles. As another technically smart Kenoma who does not always have the good sense to actually be smart, this particular topic might just be one of those rare opportunities where he can put his intuition and charisma to good use. Leaning forward slightly, Howl sets an elbow on the table to prop his chin on his knuckles coyly — forgetting his discomfort with his new physical abnormalities for the moment. ]

I wonder if you'd... feel better, telling someone. Someone like me, perhaps? I suspect I've already got a sampling of it, haven't I?

[ Matt has never found Howl's feathers abnormal--only worrying for the pain they caused him. And he doesn't look to be in pain now. He looks ...

Well.

Really charming. And even Matt's suspicion that Howl knows he's charming doesn't do a thing to diminish the effect. He laughs again, a bit warmer this time. ]

If anybody deserves an explanation, it's you, [ he allows. ] What do you want to know? How the--thing works? The one from Venera?

If you're willing to tell me, sure.

[ Howl's casual tone of voice hides how intensely curious he really is about whatever that magic was and however it works, but he's trying to stay respectful here. It's not embarrassment or anger that's fueling his curiosity; he isn't demanding an explanation from Matt. It's more that he just... wants to know. Because it was odd, and unusual, and carries some tantalizingly intimate side effects. (Unless that part had been intentional and voluntary? In which case... they have some other things to talk about, don't they?) ]

[ Matt nods. He doesn't want to hide his capabilities--or at least, he doesn't want to be alone with them--but he's not sure who he can trust, and less sure who would understand. Like he said, though, if anyone deserves the full truth, it's Howl.

So he takes a sip from his glass, slow and contemplative, and says: ]

I started doing magic when I was 15. I think I've mentioned that before? It all started pretty gradual, guided meditations and visualizing protective barriers of light, and somewhere along the way, I realized I could actually cast spells. So I started doing that basically every spare second I had, and ...

I never read a description that sounded exactly right for this thing, though I guess you could say it's like shared telepathy. I call it opening a channel. What I think it is--what it feels like--is that it lifts the barriers between bodies. So you still feel exactly like yourself, but you feel like someone else too. In an embodied sense, one that carries memories or fantasies or things that relate to what your body's been through ... what it knows.

That's why I tried it on you. [ Matt glances to Howl's face now, cautiously. ] I thought maybe if you felt exactly like someone who wasn't being affected by the Innocence, it'd help shake you out.

[ Resting his knuckles against his jawline, Howl listens, quiet but giving Matt his full attention. What he's describing is no particular field of magic that Howl is familiar with, but within the realm of possibilities for wizards of his homeworld. Given the right resources, it's something Howl could have probably learned how to do himself — before being trapped in this world and losing most of his power as a result, of course. ]

I see. That makes sense. And, by my recollection, your wager paid off. I was thoroughly shaken out.

[ That isn't all to discuss, though. Knowing the question is likely to embarrass Matt, but feeling that it must be asked anyway, he glances down at his drink and adds: ]

So, if I understand correctly... those were your memories and fantasies that I felt?

[ of someone or something hurting Matt. and of Matt embracing Howl. he doesn't know if that first one was a memory or a fantasy, but he knows what the second was. ]

[ Matt's small, hopeful smile dims when Howl moves from the Innocence to some of the other particulars of opening channels. His heart has started to pit-a-pat, as it tends to when one is on the cusp of intimate revelation, but Matt doesn't look too terribly embarrassed. Howl's gentle demeanor and unvarnished curiosity seem to be helping.

That said, Matt takes one more steadying drink before he answers. ]

They were, yeah, [ he admits. ] A bit of both, in this specific case. [ His lips twitch. ] Which, ah--sorry for that. It was an indelicate way of expressing myself. It's just ... so much of how I learned magic in the first place is wrapped up in this bodily, physical stuff, so that's why it comes up like that.

[ Ah. Howl smiles at his drink, and then glances up at Matt without lifting his head, looking at him with pale blue eyes behind the curtain of his bangs. ]

...I must admit, I'm intrigued. About the magic, that is. [ That last part is important, but still said in a joking manner. He's trying to say this as gently as he can — ]

As for your feelings, Matt... I'm flattered. I would not have expected it, but I am not offended, or disgusted, or anything like that.

[ There's more to be discussed that that, but Howl wants to put Matt at ease first. ]

[ Matt's answering laugh is a bit nervy, but relieved nonetheless. He hasn't entertained more than the briefest hope that Howl might be attracted to him in turn, which he's okay with--for many years now, he's placed his focus squarely on the affection he's giving, rather than anything he might receive in turn. But it's kind of Howl to make it clear that he isn't, you know. Disgusted at the thought of Matt being into him. ]

As long as it doesn't make things weird. [ A touch wistful. ] I mean, I like you as a person. That's what matters most to me.

[ He quirks a wry smile. ]

But if you wanna hear about the magic ... I mean, the whole story will necessarily involve some level of TMI. But I'm down to talk about it. Did you have any specific points of intrigue?

[ No, it does not make things weird. Not for Howl at least. He really is flattered — truthfully, he's never had this experience before, of being the object of affection for another man. But it does not sit unwell with him; his reassurance of Matt is uncomplicated.

That offer for information is something Howl's curiosity cannot refuse. Still smiling, he sits back in his seat and crosses his arms. ]

Hmm, well. I saw something else when you touched me... someone who seemed to be hurting you, I want to say, although it wasn't entirely clear to me... Is that part of the story you're referring to?

... Oh.

[ Matt's been mentally marshaling definitions of magic, preparing a spiel about energy and how the thaumaturgical thermodynamics of it all are fundamentally neutral where their sources are concerned. But Howl comes at this question from an angle Matt isn't expecting--though maybe he should have. He nods slowly.

Then he shakes his head. ]

Not exactly. I mean, if you're referring to what I think you are ... [ Matt chooses not to notice that he's just implied that so much violence has happened to him that he can't tell incidents apart. ] That happened to me, and magic was sort of involved, but it wasn't--the main thing is how it made me feel. In my body.

[ He frowns. ]

I saw someone hurting you too, I think.

[ Howl shakes his head. He doesn't want to talk about himself right now, even if he could. Ever since he saw that flash of memory, he's been concerned for Matt and wanted to understand what happened. If they're having an open conversation tonight, then the time to talk about it is now. ]

If it wasn't important... or, significant at least, I wouldn't have picked up on it. It wouldn't have been a memory that transferred to me, as you harnessed your magic — right?

[ If he understands correctly. ]

[ Ugh, right. Howl's like, a legit magic user. He went to school for it and everything. Matt can't help a rueful smile, as if to say "well played." ]

As far as I can tell, yeah, [ he admits. ] And ... it is significant.

[ Matt sucks in a breath. Lets it out. And he takes one more steadying pull from his cocktail glass before trying to answer. ]

When I was 18, I summoned a demon. Or I tried to, at least. In the moment, it didn't seem like anything had happened, so I assumed the ritual had failed. But that night, the demon appeared to me in a dream.

It basically told me I'd been stupid and arrogant trying to summon it, which [ a humorless twitch of his lips, ] fair. And it touched my face.

[ Matt turns his head to give Howl a better look at the scar on his left cheek. It's very thin, and very faint, but it can be made out easily enough in good light. It arcs along Matt's cheekbone, a fossil record of a caress. ]

The scar's never gone away.

Hm.

[ Howl hums a low note of acceptance as he takes it all in. He has no reason to doubt what Matt is saying; the story fits with what he saw and felt back in Venera. What's more remarkable is how... familiar it is. How much more they have in common than Howl ever suspected. ]

Why did you want to summon a demon?

[ The question is inquisitive and not accusatory in tone. Where some might judge another for doing something so reckless and widely discouraged, Howl does not... for reasons he cannot entirely explain to Matt. On the other hand, maybe he already knows. Howl doesn't fully remember what he went through back when the Innocence had a hold of him, or what Matt might have seen while trying to save him. ]

[ The answer to "what does Matt know" may come through in his rueful smile. He can't say how accurate the visions in Venera were--memory is such a malleable thing, especially when you're young--but he's confident at least that Howl knows why somebody might want to talk to a demon. ]

Honestly ... mostly to see if I could. [ Matt heaves a sheepish sigh. ] I think I've mentioned I taught myself everything I know, and I'd just ... never met a limit that had stayed a limit, at that point. So I got curious, and I just went for it.

[ Though from what he recalls of Howl's motivations, they seem far more altruistic than his own. Sweet, even. It's rare to have the capacity to care about something you've been taught to see as a monster. ]

I see.

[ Unfortunately, Howl does not pick up on the subtleties behind Matt's smile. The impossibility of telling others about his curse, the unlikelihood of Matt having seen enough of it himself to slot him into one of the exceptions to the provision of silence... it's a mental blockade in many more ways than one.

Instead, Howl can only look down with his own distracted smile. Oh, they have so much in common, it's almost laughable. If only he were capable of saying so out loud. ]

Still... to survive an encounter with a demon with only a single scar, and a literal one at that... if it were me, I'd count it as a blessing. [ Without looking up, he reaches for his drink. ] Unless...?

ahehehehe

semicharmed - 2022-09-04 22:08 (UTC) - Expand

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audio / Soviseri 29 / all Kenoma

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communion > action!

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if only this thread were taking place a month later

ahehehehe