to the pleroma (text)

[passio]

[ it’s not an intentional attempt at anonymity. dextera just has no experience with this kind of broad communication, and to him, there’s little point in introducing himself anyway. those who have met him may be able to recognize the emotional “signature” attached to the words newly displayed in their minds, and may be able even to attach the soft sound of his breath or the perpetually-uncertain expression he wears to the message he knows is about to be contentious.

but, it’s been bothering him since the events in venera. perhaps the seed was planted even before that, from his very first experience with the kenoma and having the pleroma overtake it to save him in the end. ]

Are we wrong?

[ it’s… actually not what he wanted to open with, but the panic of broadcasting a message so publicly has him blurting things out even through what should be the most temperate of mediums. ]

The Regent said it was the Pleroma that caused the disease in Venera. That force wanted us to live forever in delusion. I don’t want to destroy the world. I don’t want to make a new one either. I was happy there. I would have been happy there.

The distilled Kenoma tried to manipulate our thoughts. Didn’t you all feel that power when we escaped? The Hope that allowed us to fight? Are we still being manipulated?

Comments

[passio]

[ dextera exhales, the sigh reaching even across their shards. ]

Did you feel it? The pull of the Kenoma?

[ it feels like no one else is or ever was as tempted as he is. ]

[passio]

You don’t have to apologize. I was just thinking.

[ “just thinking,” in other words, “losing his mind to stress.” there’s a bit of calmness now to him that there wasn’t when he initially made the post, but communion still easily conveys that he’s antsy. defensive. ]

If you could go back and leave this world to the Regent’s desires, would you?

[passio]

[ … ]

Did you always think of it that way?

[passio]

[ it would be easier if he did. if he could just have a solid, definitive answer on what it is they’re dealing with—no, more than that, he realizes what he really wants is for someone to tell him how to feel. even knowing that whatever abel is about to proselytize might not guide him, he’s willing to listen, desperate for anything that might ease his discontent. ]

…

[ he shakes his head. ]

[passio]

[ there’s the small unfurling of something in his chest as she lays out practical options for him. ]

Will that really help?

[passio]

Yes.

[ he knows how other people would feel, but— ]

Do you think that’s unforgivable?

[locumstudentesquire]

Hah... That's a sentiment I certainly can relate to.

[Despite being shounen protagonist af, Ryunosuke's a bit too reserved to just outright say 'I'll be your friend', but. Dextera can perhaps feel the emotions associated with it. The longing for connection and support. Faint loneliness... Ryunosuke cherishes his friends and family so much, and he's felt so unmoored by their absence ever since he arrived here.]

Perhaps this is a bit forward of me to say, since we scarcely know each other, but... If you ever find yourself troubled with these sorts of thoughts in the future and find yourself in need of an ear to bend... I'd be happy to listen. As I said, we need to support one another if we're to succeed.

[passio]

[ dextera is taking it easier than it seems he is. although he has trouble believing dokja, he isn’t afraid of him, nor is he worried about what kind of person dokja must be to have hurt others and hidden it. his hand only trembles because of his own tendency toward panic. ]

That’s OK

[ dextera scratches the words on the paper with urgency, punctuation dropped in his haste. ]

You don’t have to tell me
But I don’t have any right to judge

[snakeandfangs]

[ a complicated question, but he has to be honest. ]

No. Not always.

When I was younger... I knew what I had was important though I didn't understand.
But when I used it in the way I knew I'd have to?
It became obvious.

[aquaveiled]

[ She can feel that and--...it's sweet. Promising, and sweet. And Himeka loves sharing things that are important to her with others. Maybe this can be something he enjoys too? ]

Oh no, I should be thanking you. It's always more fun to go fishing with a friend.

Just let me know once you're in town, okay?

[coupris]

[The feeling of that sludge in his veins still wakes him up at night, on occasion.

"Think on every face that wouldn't hold out for you. You know you'll lose count."]

Yes.

[Short, clipped, but honest. Hadn't everyone?]

[goldendeceiver]

You ask some pretty intense questions, you know that?

[ Though there's no emotional feedback that suggests Ernesto is bothered by them. The only sense Dextera might be able to pick up is a vague thoughtfulness as Ernesto takes a moment to answer. ]

People have their own reason for making the choices they do. I don't know what their lives were like before this, and for all I know there might be some valid reasons they think that existence as it is needs a reset.

[ There are things that Ernesto has seen that makes him understand that point well, and while he's not going to say it, there is a complicated flit of emotions that passes by during a pause. ]

Not that I agree with it personally, but I don't really feel like I can fully judge them when I barely know them or their motivations.

But that's just for throwing their hat in that particular ring in the first place. There are definitely choices they could make after that I'd be just fine with judging them over.

[superbshot]

Yes, of course it will. Wars are won with logistics as much as on the field.

[inutilis]

I think that's part of the problem, isn't it? It's hard for us to find comfort in things we don't understand or feel are completely beyond us.

[ perhaps there's some irony in a priest preaching as much, but Abel seems quite sincere as he looks to the surface of the water below disturbed by so many hungry, twisting fish all too eager to clamor for a bite to eat. ]

Whatever it was that touched us in Venera... it wasn't a mindless... thing, or some consciousness force. It felt like... like a lost child. Someone reaching out and trying to make things better in the only way it knew how without realizing it was doing more harm than good, you know? It truly wanted to take away our pain, even if its efforts were misguided at best.

[ and while that might not help them comprehend the Pleroma, maybe it is an important part of understanding what had happened to them. what had happened to Dextera. ]

[passio]

[ it helps a little, or at least enough that dextera doesn’t push johnny with more questions. ]

I hope you can find them again. Or that they can find you.

[passio]

[ the lack of detail in that answer is telling, and dextera feels a pang of sympathy—and remorse for asking. unfortunately, it does set him a little more at ease, to know he’s not the only one who could have given in but didn’t. ]

Can I ask why you turned away?

[passio]

[ dextera has passively absorbed enough goodwill from the people who have come to him following this message that he can believe ryunosuke’s intentions are pure, and he can even accept what he says. although it’s a gamble whether or not he’ll take up that offer, the knowledge that it’s there is reassurance enough. ]

Thank you. I promise I won’t bother you, but I’d like to speak again.

[passio]

[ dextera envies him, in a way. he’s obviously had a lifetime to come to terms with his power and find a way to use it to the world’s benefit—and dextera has nothing but an apocalypse and miserable direction to show for his own powers. ]

I see. I hope that moment will come for me, too.

[coupris]

Because a few hurt feelings don't give me the right to decide the fate of billions of people I've never even met.

[His tone is a bit more somber, but it isn't pointed. There's nothing wrong with Dextera having doubts.]

The Pleroma may not be an absolute good. I doubt very much that it is. However, it's never taken our choices away.

[snakeandfangs]

It will!
And like I said, if there's anything I can do for you, Dextera?
I'll do my best!

[deushexmachina]

[He takes awhile to respond, his heart in turmoil.]

I have a duty to the people I've left behind. I wouldn't be able to abandon them, if I was given the choice.

[locumstudentesquire]

[He laughs warmly, if a bit awkwardly.]

I promise it's no bother at all. I'd like that as well, Dextera.

[salvageable]

[ Ah, every moment spent on this topic makes Dokja's skin crawl, but he pushes through. If not for himself, then for Dextera. ]

Yeah, [ his reply comes out so quietly it's almost hard to hear. ] It's the same for me. I can't tell you that everything's going to be fine. Or that you deserve to be forgiven.

[ Because those are words that Dokja would never believe if they were spoken to him. ]

But... [ he hesitates, gaze darting to the floor. ] You're not alone, is what I'm trying to say.

[passio]

Okay. Thank you.

[ she’s rewarded with the distinct sense of peace from him, when he closes the connection. ]

[passio]

[ there’s no way, dextera thinks, that what dokja has done can be any worse than what dextera has done. for all he’s experienced, after all, he can only think in terms of the end of his single world, and the deaths he caused within it. ]

…

[ he still listens to dokja’s words, his pen held to the paper, but he doesn’t come up with anything to say that couldn’t be better answered with a simple nod. he’s working on what emotions to feel, and then what emotions from that are proper to express. he’s grateful and frustrated and afraid, and none of those alone seem quite right. ]

We didn’t do it this time.

[ whatever dokja went through, dextera feels the need to assure him that it isn’t his fault, what happened in venera, which means that it can’t be dextera’s fault either. they’re in this together. ]

But we can help
can’t we