aionchat | to the pleroma (text)

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to the pleroma (text)

[ it’s not an intentional attempt at anonymity. dextera just has no experience with this kind of broad communication, and to him, there’s little point in introducing himself anyway. those who have met him may be able to recognize the emotional “signature” attached to the words newly displayed in their minds, and may be able even to attach the soft sound of his breath or the perpetually-uncertain expression he wears to the message he knows is about to be contentious.

but, it’s been bothering him since the events in venera. perhaps the seed was planted even before that, from his very first experience with the kenoma and having the pleroma overtake it to save him in the end. ]

Are we wrong?

[ it’s… actually not what he wanted to open with, but the panic of broadcasting a message so publicly has him blurting things out even through what should be the most temperate of mediums. ]

The Regent said it was the Pleroma that caused the disease in Venera. That force wanted us to live forever in delusion. I don’t want to destroy the world. I don’t want to make a new one either. I was happy there. I would have been happy there.

The distilled Kenoma tried to manipulate our thoughts. Didn’t you all feel that power when we escaped? The Hope that allowed us to fight? Are we still being manipulated?

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[ The confession doesn't sit right with him, and it's like his gut twists in protest, threatening to make Dokja nauseous. He was... supposed to be getting better. He was supposed to find a purpose for himself, but why does it feel like he's more lost than ever...?

His gaze settles uneasily on the written question, unable to meet Dextera's eyes. ]

... It means that I understand what you're going through. Partly, at the very least.

[ He doesn't think he has it in him to elaborate about what he's done, all the people he's hurt, all the lives that had been lost. Entire worlds. Just because of him. ]

[ dextera is taking it easier than it seems he is. although he has trouble believing dokja, he isn’t afraid of him, nor is he worried about what kind of person dokja must be to have hurt others and hidden it. his hand only trembles because of his own tendency toward panic. ]

That’s OK

[ dextera scratches the words on the paper with urgency, punctuation dropped in his haste. ]

You don’t have to tell me
But I don’t have any right to judge

[ Ah, every moment spent on this topic makes Dokja's skin crawl, but he pushes through. If not for himself, then for Dextera. ]

Yeah, [ his reply comes out so quietly it's almost hard to hear. ] It's the same for me. I can't tell you that everything's going to be fine. Or that you deserve to be forgiven.

[ Because those are words that Dokja would never believe if they were spoken to him. ]

But... [ he hesitates, gaze darting to the floor. ] You're not alone, is what I'm trying to say.

[ there’s no way, dextera thinks, that what dokja has done can be any worse than what dextera has done. for all he’s experienced, after all, he can only think in terms of the end of his single world, and the deaths he caused within it. ]

…

[ he still listens to dokja’s words, his pen held to the paper, but he doesn’t come up with anything to say that couldn’t be better answered with a simple nod. he’s working on what emotions to feel, and then what emotions from that are proper to express. he’s grateful and frustrated and afraid, and none of those alone seem quite right. ]

We didn’t do it this time.

[ whatever dokja went through, dextera feels the need to assure him that it isn’t his fault, what happened in venera, which means that it can’t be dextera’s fault either. they’re in this together. ]

But we can help
can’t we

[ Ah, the optimism is always what gets people going in the end, isn't it? Dokja manages a smile as he reads the words, nodding along like he agrees with every sentiment scratched out on paper.

... When in truth, he doesn't know if he's capable of feeling hope.

For Dextera's sake, he will. He'll smother away his doubts and play the part that needs to be played. ]

Yeah, [ he responds softly. ] We can help. And we will.

[ He hopes this is enough. There hadn't been much of a plan when he'd come to see Dextera, but if he can offer something, anything at all, including empty words and promises, he'll at least have done something. ]

We'll get through it.

…

[ dokja doesn’t believe what he’s saying, but he’s trying to help. that’s good enough. he doesn’t have to believe it if his heart is in the right place—dextera understands that impulse, after all, lying to make sure someone dies in bliss rather than with the painful reality around them.

dextera clings to it, less optimism and more desperation, but it all looks the same when he’s trying to convince himself anyway.

he exhales through his nose and closes the book. there’s nothing he can say that’s going to make this conversation feel better, and so he sets it aside, instead taking one of the green bananas that dokja has brought him. ]

[ Um.

As much as Dokja appreciates the accepting silence that comes after such a melancholy conversation, he grows a bit apprehensive when the unripe banana makes its appearance. His expression grows puzzled as he first stares at the banana, then at Dextera.

Surely not...? ]

You're not going to eat that, are you?

…?

[ dextera breaks it in half the way someone might split a baguette. it makes a sickening sound, almost like a bone cracking, but dextera doesn’t even flinch as he offers one part to dokja.

they can share, of course. ]

[ Alright, not really what Dokja wants, but he takes the offered half because it's the polite thing to do. Or... more like it was instinctual to hold out his hand for something offered to him.

He stares at the bright green half of a banana he now holds, expression twisting into disgust. There's no way he's going to eat this. It feels like it could be made of stone with how unripe it is. ]

You know it's going to taste bad. Wouldn't you rather wait?

[ At least a day!! ]

[ it’s already been opened, and there’s no plastic wrap in horos, so—dextera doesn’t think there’s any choice but to eat it. ]

…

[ he does consider dokja’s words, aware that it’s not going to be very sweet the way a normal banana should be, but there’s nothing else he can do.

he sinks his teeth in, forced to use all his jaw strength to pierce the flesh with his molars. it crunches, and the unripe banana is… ]

Gggnh…

[ very, very bitter. ]

[ Holy shit.......

Dokja looks paler than usual as he watches Dextera bite into that bright green banana, and his stomach does an unpleasant twist. Is it from sympathy? Disgust?? He's seen a lot of fucked up things in his life but this...

This is up there. ]

I should've brought you a green apple instead.

[ WHAT WAS DOKJA THINKING ]

[ honestly, he wants to spit it out. it doesn’t taste good, and maybe if he was alone, he would do it. but his good friend dokja brought him this food, and if nothing else, the shocking taste has managed to pull him right out of his funk.

he chews with the slow misery of a prisoner. ]

…

[ a little shudder runs up his spine once he swallows, and at least mercifully to the both of them, he doesn’t go in for a second bite. ]

[ This was deserved. This was the only possible outcome and Dextera full sent it much to Dokja's horror.

Thank goodness there's no second bite. In fact, he reaches over to snatch that partially eaten banana from Dextera's hand before abruptly standing back up. ]

I'm taking these with me.

[ And throwing them AWAY. ]

[ dokja is probably acting in his best interest, but… man.

dextera nods nonetheless, and doesn’t fight when dokja confiscates the banana from him. at this stage, it hardly even smells like a banana—it’s got the fresh, green scent of a plant with none of the sweetness. ]

Ngh… blech…

[ And let this be a lesson to you, young man. ]

The next time you get in your head about something, you let me know, okay?

[ There's too much depression in this city... Someone needs to fold and catch a break. And while Dokja's glad to see Dextera in better spirits, he knows better than most how fleeting those moments are. ]

And now I know better than to bring you unripe fruit.

[ He huffs out a breath, but the glint in his eye makes it clear he's (mostly) joking.

With both halves of the banana in hand, he starts for the door. ]

[ dextera feels better emotionally, even if his stomach is going to be a little mad at him for a while longer yet. ]

…

[ before dokja gets out the door, there’s a small breath from dextera. it doesn’t sound like a sigh, but—perhaps, a laugh? ]

[ Whatever it is, it gets Dokja to pause at the door and turn back. It takes him a second to place that sound, and then he blinks a couple of times in surprise.

A laugh...?

It's doubt that springs forward first, but after another second's pause, he''s positive that that's what it had been. ]

What's so funny?

[ dextera is still trying to get the taste of unripe banana out of his mouth, and there are also fibers from the skin that force him to dig between his teeth with his tongue. he luckily doesn’t need his mouth to respond to dokja’s inquiry anyway.

he quickly shakes his head, hiding any remnant of a smile with his hand. ]

[ WEIRDO... (affectionate)

Dokja can't help the small smile that appears in turn, though he does his best to keep it small. Whatever that laugh had been for, it can stay a mystery so as long as Dextera continues looking like this. ]

Take care.

[ And then he's off! He's got unripe bananas to toss. ]

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