to the pleroma (text)

[passio]

[ it’s not an intentional attempt at anonymity. dextera just has no experience with this kind of broad communication, and to him, there’s little point in introducing himself anyway. those who have met him may be able to recognize the emotional “signature” attached to the words newly displayed in their minds, and may be able even to attach the soft sound of his breath or the perpetually-uncertain expression he wears to the message he knows is about to be contentious.

but, it’s been bothering him since the events in venera. perhaps the seed was planted even before that, from his very first experience with the kenoma and having the pleroma overtake it to save him in the end. ]

Are we wrong?

[ it’s… actually not what he wanted to open with, but the panic of broadcasting a message so publicly has him blurting things out even through what should be the most temperate of mediums. ]

The Regent said it was the Pleroma that caused the disease in Venera. That force wanted us to live forever in delusion. I don’t want to destroy the world. I don’t want to make a new one either. I was happy there. I would have been happy there.

The distilled Kenoma tried to manipulate our thoughts. Didn’t you all feel that power when we escaped? The Hope that allowed us to fight? Are we still being manipulated?

Comments

[comelately]

[ Text? They can do that? Mentally, the difference is almost imperceptible, but he can understand the words without seeing or hearing them regardless. He doesn't recognize them as coming from the guy he met in the bar back when he first got here, for better or for worse. ]

I think we're all here because we were happy on our old worlds. Or "could have been happy."

[ he's also in that category. ]

You're on this side 'cause you need to go back, right? It's not about being right or wrong. It's about getting where you need to go.

[passio]

[ dextera does need to go back, but he doesn’t want to. he doesn’t think he does, at least, which is why his answer keeps changing as to whether or not he really wants to save the world he left. ]

Is it OK? To feel that way?

[comelately]

[ his gut response is does it matter?, but he holds his metaphorical tongue, although considering this method of communication, Dextera might get a whiff of it regardless. ]

Okay with who? [ a beat. ] It's between you and God, and you're not gonna hear his opinion, so that means it's on you. That's what I think.

[passio]

[ dextera does, but it’s not nearly as strong as if he had heard the words, even if it’s technically more intimate by virtue of communication from the shard. he doesn’t even flinch, a miracle for his sensitive state. ]

God wants me to go back. I don’t know what she expects me to do once I’m there.

[ pronouns aren’t really something that matters for god, but dextera has his own experiences separate from the worlds of other people. he can only abide by what he knows. ]

So many people want things from me - from all of us. But no one ever tells us what they are.

[comelately]

[ kind of weird hearing God referred to as "she," but when he thinks about it, what the hell does he know? None of them know anything, really, and a deity probably doesn't care about things like that. So he just shrugs it off. ]

Well, what do you want? I get wanting to do the right thing and all, but it's like you said - we don't know what we need, and we haven't got an almighty leader telling us what he wants like they do. So follow your gut.

[ even as he speaks - or thinks, rather - he feels uniquely unqualified to give anyone advice about anything that isn't horse racing. The real reason he's doing this is because he shares Dextera's fears, at heart. Not knowing where to go or what to do - not having a clear next step or a way out. Maybe talking about it will make him more confident than he feels right now. ]

If you spend all your time trying to please people... it'll just blow up in your face eventually.

[passio]

[ that’s the most difficult question someone could possibly pose to him, but he doesn’t hold it against johnny for asking. he’s just frustrated with himself—he wants to be able to answer it so badly, but he doesn’t know himself. he doesn’t know anything about where he’s been, so how can he possibly decide his own future? he’s twisted with desires that feel both foreign and disconcertingly intimate, and he knows where none of them come from.

he takes a moment, sorts out his feelings. ]

What about you?

[comelately]

Me...?

[ how honest should he be? then again, there's no reason to hide anything, is there? ]

... I want to walk again. [ a beat. there's the sense through communion that this is only the surface of a deep, dark pool, that his true wish is more complicated, but that's all Johnny actually says. ] But... there's things I got to take care of back home, too. There's some people I have to protect. So I guess that's my priority now - getting back to them.

[passio]

[ it confirms to dextera that he’s speaking to who he thinks he is, since there aren’t many other people who would have the same wish. ]

What if they were here? Would you defend any world that they’re in?

[comelately]

[ this is not something he's really thought about. He wishes Gyro was here often, but if he was...? Johnny pauses, thinking. ]

If keeping them alive meant protecting this weird place, then I guess I'd have to.

[passio]

[ it helps a little, or at least enough that dextera doesn’t push johnny with more questions. ]

I hope you can find them again. Or that they can find you.