aionchat | to the pleroma (text)

[ it’s not an intentional attempt at anonymity. dextera just has no experience with this kind of broad communication, and to him, there’s little point in introducing himself anyway. those who have met him may be able to recognize the emotional “signature” attached to the words newly displayed in their minds, and may be able even to attach the soft sound of his breath or the perpetually-uncertain expression he wears to the message he knows is about to be contentious.

but, it’s been bothering him since the events in venera. perhaps the seed was planted even before that, from his very first experience with the kenoma and having the pleroma overtake it to save him in the end. ]

Are we wrong?

[ it’s… actually not what he wanted to open with, but the panic of broadcasting a message so publicly has him blurting things out even through what should be the most temperate of mediums. ]

The Regent said it was the Pleroma that caused the disease in Venera. That force wanted us to live forever in delusion. I don’t want to destroy the world. I don’t want to make a new one either. I was happy there. I would have been happy there.

The distilled Kenoma tried to manipulate our thoughts. Didn’t you all feel that power when we escaped? The Hope that allowed us to fight? Are we still being manipulated?

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[ it’s hard to say what his true feelings are. there were chances for him to be happy even in the middle of all the misery—but now, the one person who could have helped him is gone with the rest of the world. ]

What do we do if it is true? What if we are wrong? Will you still fight?

... I think those are questions that no one else can give you an answer to.

[ His mental voice is quiet, even now barely audible as he gives that answer. Because he can feel it even in the tone of that "test," Dextera is searching for his own. He knows what's it like, how he struggles with it now: ]

To be honest, I don't want to fight.

[ It's said simply, yet turmotiously as he rumbles with his own thoughts. As if speaking them into existence to another makes it true: ]

From everything I've seen, I can't give up on the people on the other side of this. They were — they are — just like us. We're not any different. They're just... tools for someone else.

[ The 'just like us' flits through his mind, goes unsaid. ] ... Maybe I would have given up if I hadn't thought like that. If it's true, if everything is gone then — Why me, right? [ Why am I still here? ] I can't give up on everyone, everything. I know there's bad people and things in the world. I've seen it —

But I guess I'm here because I can't stop believing there's a potential for change and growth. Maybe we're wrong and we'll learn that one day, but I haven't — We haven't been forced to do anything yet. So I've got to believe until we get that answer, one way or another.

[ Which he realizes isn't an answer to will he fight; But he's more of a pacifist by nature. He doesn't seek fighting for the sake of it, only in retaliation to protect something. ]

[ there are so many people who would be better suited to the position dextera found himself in, back at home. although he’s been technically freed of that burden, it’s still on his mind at all times with the goal of the pleroma—to return, or if that’s impossible, to recreate what once was. abandonment is not an option. ]

Thank you.

[ it’s an answer that comes after some time, after dextera wrestled with the weight of the words and pieced through each little sentiment to find something he could take and apply to himself. ]

If you believe that those are your real feelings, I believe you. I just can’t trust myself.

I get it. I do.

[ For as long as it may have taken Dextera to respond, Hiccup's is near immediate. Trusting yourself-- Losing faith in yourself. That's something he knows all about, even before everything in Horos. It's almost too easy to picture: ]

It's okay to take your time; Like I said, we shouldn't trust what we're told just because someone else says it to us... But. I mean, I guess, just know if you ever need someone to listen there's a lot of us here.

I can't speak for them, but I'm always here. For whatever you might need.

[ dextera is unaccustomed to these sentiments given so freely, and although he doesn’t distrust what’s being said, he can’t help but carry the feeling that many of these people wouldn’t be so supportive if they knew what he had done. ]

It’s lucky. That you were chosen to come here.

[ That's not a comment he was expecting at all. He can't even help the sudden wave of confusion and instant disagreement that manages to come over; He doesn't see it like that (he's not the most helpful here is he?). It's the confusion that's most prominent when he responds: ]

Why do you say that?

[ confusion and disagreement, yes, but at least it’s not offense. ]

Not everyone is so kind. Or so willing to help. Of all the people that could have arrived in your place, I’m glad it was someone like you.

[ That's really not an answer he expected in a way — Which is perhaps why it earns a sheepish laugh, something bone deep in the feeling of the exhale that follows: ]

Yeah, but some people would call that a pretty big weakness. Especially around here.

Some people. But not all. I wouldn’t.

[ there’s no hint of a smile accompanying these words, but that doesn’t mean they’re insincere. he’s just speaking his mind. ]

Thanks. That means a lot.

[ There's no lack of sincerity in Hiccup's return, either. Seeing others so quickly turn to war and fighting has been something he's struggled with — Given his preference was avoid if you can (literally moving his entire people to avoid one)... It's hard not to feel out of place.

It's why he'd prefer to dedicate his time to reach out to people. ]

I don't know if your answer will come easily or be the one you want... But I hope you find it.

to the pleroma (text)

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