to the pleroma (text)

[passio]

[ it’s not an intentional attempt at anonymity. dextera just has no experience with this kind of broad communication, and to him, there’s little point in introducing himself anyway. those who have met him may be able to recognize the emotional “signature” attached to the words newly displayed in their minds, and may be able even to attach the soft sound of his breath or the perpetually-uncertain expression he wears to the message he knows is about to be contentious.

but, it’s been bothering him since the events in venera. perhaps the seed was planted even before that, from his very first experience with the kenoma and having the pleroma overtake it to save him in the end. ]

Are we wrong?

[ it’s… actually not what he wanted to open with, but the panic of broadcasting a message so publicly has him blurting things out even through what should be the most temperate of mediums. ]

The Regent said it was the Pleroma that caused the disease in Venera. That force wanted us to live forever in delusion. I don’t want to destroy the world. I don’t want to make a new one either. I was happy there. I would have been happy there.

The distilled Kenoma tried to manipulate our thoughts. Didn’t you all feel that power when we escaped? The Hope that allowed us to fight? Are we still being manipulated?

Comments

[hippocarnival]

[Whew. That's a big question.]

It's... living. [He sounds tentative, not because he doesn't believe what he says but he's not quite sure how to say it.]

I mean--I think it's just... experiencing everything around you, right? It's all the memories you make from going places and knowing people. And sometimes it's painful but--other times it's really good.

[He trails off to a mumble.] Sorry, I don't know how to explain it. It's just that, while it felt good at the time to just be comforted and happy... it was really hollow. Hiding from the world like that because some of it hurts--it seems easier but then you're always stuck in the same place.

[passio]

[ that’s the baroque sickness. the people who succumbed didn’t become statues, but they were taken from themselves. they were made into too much of what they were and dextera had to take them back apart. ]

You don’t have to be sorry.

[ dextera’s voice is gentle, even apologetic himself—yuya is a child, and probably not the best person to pose philosophical questions to. ]

…I like your answer. Living has always been painful for me. It still is. But I know not everyone feels that way.

[hippocarnival]

[He is definitely not the best person to pose philosophical questions too, although less because he is a teenager and more because he is a dumb teenager.]

Mm. It's... hurt a lot for me, too. I used to do that, try and hide from it some I didn't have to deal with how it made me feel. [He doesn't feel regretful of that, necessarily. But the regression is a reminder if the kind of him he didn't want to go back to.]

But then I miss the really good things, too. And the things that hurt won't forever as long as you hold onto those.

[passio]

[ there’s something to be said for the perspective of a dumb teenager despite the lack of wisdom in asking the question in the first place. hearing it laid out so cleanly… ]

…Then I need to find the good things.

[ it’s sad, that he’s somehow made nicer memories in his few months here than he ever did back at home. ]

[hippocarnival]

[That's the spirit. Warmly:] You will. We will.