KENOMA | VOICE

[vivificantem]

[There's something different tonight in Paul's baseline, something strange and energized in a way that he usually is not; perhaps it's evident, in the way his emotions are coming across, that it isn't necessarily a good sort of energized - they're strange and scattershot, almost crackling with a sort of manic feel behind them, though his words are steady enough as he goes.]

As I've made known to several of you, I've never been a combatant; I don't fight, and I've never had reason to become proficient with a weapon. And yet I don't disagree with those of you that have made it clear that we need to play to our strengths, if this is going to be a war we're going to win.

My own strengths have always lay with people - providing guidance, providing leadership. Knowing what they need to hear in order to press on, and knowing what they need to see to carry through whatever needs to be carried through. Finding those willing to serve, and willing to spare nothing in their service.

I've found that there are those here that are more than willing to accept my guidance - in the service of the Regent, and the service of the Kenoma. After all, who better than an Aion to give them what they're after? Those I refer to are more than willing to give up their lives in the interest of that service; it's just a matter of directing them to use that willingness in a more productive way.

I've taken up a position in the sect of Our Dark Regent's Church of the Precious Blood. Decently respected in Achamoth, despite their harsher proclivities. They seem a prudent investment to make - if we're to be at war, we'll need resources of one sort or another, and people are an acceptable resource to have.

After all, that's how the gospel spreads.

Comments

[sterngaze]

[The admission that Paul doesn't necessarily believe in the faith he's become involved with doesn't exactly inspire confidence in Liem. The jittery vibes he's getting through their communion aren't reassuring either.]

What drew you to that particular sect? I assume you had other doors open to you, given your position.

[vivificantem]

I did, yes.

[The churches here are all extremely open to being endorsed by one of the Aions; this one already had fairly high standing within Achamoth, granted, but this has...well, it's done them quite the favor, put it that way.]

They seemed to have the greatest potential, with regards to aiding our cause. They're also devoted to a point that's...deeply admirable, if nothing else. I'm more than willing to profess to that much.

[vivificantem]

...Profound is a good word for it. I'll be the first to admit that I find it admirable. Their level of devotion to the whole thing.

[Which isn't an answer, but it's close enough to one.]

[vapour]

You higher power isn't here though, right, Father Paul? Do you believe in them still?

[sterngaze]

[At this point, Liem is reserving judgment on whether religious zealotry is admirable when taken in this particular context. It's not that he doesn't believe in the Kenoma's mission, but that mission can be interpreted in any number of different ways. The faith's association with the Regent is the main source of his misgivings.]

You don't find joining the Regent's church to conflict with your service to God?

[vivificantem]

Doctrine states that my higher power is here as well - we believe Him to be an omnipresent being, and there's nothing to say that He didn't create this world, and the Kenoma and the Pleroma as well.

I do still believe in Him, though I can't say in good faith that I haven't been questioning His presence. Moreso when we first got here than anything.

[vivificantem]

The Regent isn't personally involved in the church; they do as they see fit, in the service of what they believe will bring them spiritually closer to the Kenoma.

I remain in the service of the Lord, my God, and I don't find aiding them in their desire for spiritual fulfillment to be conflicting with that service.

[lachtara]

One does not have to lift a sword to have a profound impact on a War. I have seen the power of dedication and prayer firsthand, and it has moved mountains where others thought it nigh impossible.

[ Though such 'prayer' in his world does have tangible power. It could empower Eikons themselves... ]

I offer my help to see those desires through to their end. However, I would like to do so with a more intimate knowledge of those you lead. Would you be willing to teach me more of their specific beliefs and practices or does one need to be a member?

[ Taking an interest doesn't seem necessary here to garner dedication, but it could help with effectiveness and knowing more about whom - and what - he's dealing with. ]

[vivificantem]

Being an Aion here gets you all sorts of privileges, and that includes people's willingness to teach you whatever you can think of to ask about. I could tell you with no issue, though if you want to attend some of the ritual services I'd be fine with bringing you. They don't really bar entry from us, at any rate.

[He does seem to be calming down a little; far less antagonistic, less defensive. Still kind of vibrating in some weird unconscious way, but that'll pass.]

[semicharmed]

[ Matt interprets this as an answer, at least. Partly because he's animated by his own questions: framing them, weighing whether to ask.

But Paul is safe, isn't he? He's only ever been gentle to Matt. ]

Is it for the Kenoma in general? Or is it all, like ... mainly Regent centric.

[vivificantem]

It's pretty fair to say it's both. They're some of the most aggressive adherents to the Regent's teachings, and that sort of wraps around into the whole thing. It definitely affects their understanding of things.

[It's kind of hard to describe what they're doing, honestly. They're all kind of doing so, so much and they're doing it very zealously.]

[semicharmed]

[ That brings Matt some comfort, though not very much. He can make a lot more sense of the part of the local religion that isn't tied to a living figure. It just seems so ... like money in politics. A conflict of interest.

That could, of course, be his own cultural lens talking. ]

Really interesting, [ he muses. ] Sometimes I wonder how I'd understand all this if I'd been raised here. Though then I come back to, I was raised in a pretty Christian society and I still turned out like this.

[vivificantem]

I don't really know how I'd feel about it, either. I just think it's not really my place to pass judgement on them for trying to become closer to what they consider divine, however they choose to do that.

[It's sort of the mental equivalent of a shrug.]

It gives their lives meaning; it gives pretty much everything they do meaning. I'm not going to try to discourage that or take that away from them, however I personally feel about it.

[sterngaze]

But the church does revere the Regent as well. In Achamoth's culture, the Regent and the Kenoma are entwined.

[He refuses to believe that Paul could take a position in a sect called "Our Dark Regent's Church of the Precious Blood" and not in some way be dedicating himself to the Regent.]

How do you reconcile being in the Regent's service with your previous devotion to your patron?

[lachtara]

I would be eager to accompany you as a guest, if you would provide me with the whens and wheres.

[vivificantem]

The notion of having several figures that we consider holy isn't foreign to me. A fair amount of religions where I'm from have living prophets and those servants of the Lord that interpret and bring His word to the people.

[So there's that.]

I suppose my question is why you seem to believe that what I'm doing conflicts with what I believe. I wouldn't be here if that were the case; I chose the Kenoma shortly after I arrived, because I felt its call just as strongly as I felt the call to my vocation. The Kenoma resonates within me as strongly as the voice of God itself, and as such I'm not one to refuse it.

What I'm doing is aiding the Kenoma and bringing about the end of days, as it demands. That isn't out of line with what was asked of me back where I came from, either.

[semicharmed]

[ Matt's thoughtful, approving hum doesn't entirely come through the mind-link. But something of the sentiment does: resonant buzz and rosy light, a brief, warm wave sliding up the shore. ]

That's a good point.

I guess I just wish I could understand it better. Feel what they feel, maybe.

[ Technically, he could. But while he's grateful (and mortified) that that particular ability seemed to have a salutary effect on Howl, he's not itching to try it on random citizens. ]

[vivificantem]

The way I understand it isn't the way they understand it, most likely. I'd be more surprised if it was, honestly... I'm sure our stance as Aions affects our ability to understand them fully as well - we're treated far differently than they are by pretty much every aspect of the culture and all.

[He's quiet for a moment, though.]

I think my feelings toward them are more... [...] Do you remember that discussion we had, about loving people so much you're willing to hurt them? It's similar to that.

[sterngaze]

[The line that Paul ends with makes Liem stop in his tracks, unsure if he’s understanding correctly.]

In your old church, you were asked to help bring about the end of days?

[He doesn’t know what to think about that. It certainly would explain some things, though.]

It’s because you previously gave me the impression that the Achamite faiths are very different from yours—even contradictory, in some ways. If that’s true, I don’t understand how you can believe that their scripture reflects your Lord’s will.

[vivificantem]

I was...

[He trails off a bit at that; it's always a weird, awkward time explaining this. He spent so damn long not talking about it, lying about it to his congregation's face even though he supposes he didn't need to keep it quiet like that - he doesn't remember why he spent so long doing as he did, and that's alarming, but that's a breakdown he can have later, not over communion. Even if small portions of the stress seeps through, not at all helping with the general sense of unease to the transmission.]

I was blessed by an Angel of the Lord - they came to me when I was on my deathbed, and they saved my life, and I was granted multiple blessings upon my restoration. Part of this was an understanding of God's will, and with it came the knowledge that I was bearing witness to one of the signs of the end times. And in exchange for the blessings laid unto me, my life was to be used to bring about the events described of our end of days.

I was not asked by my church. I was asked by my God.

[...That sure is a description of what happened.]

The means of expression of faith are different here. But if the goal - this end of times, the end of worlds - is ultimately the same, then who am I to argue with the means?

[semicharmed]

I remember something along those lines.

[ Matt's recollection of the topic centers more around the question "does love have to feel good"? The Kenoma conception of love, as he noted back then, sounds to him like the idea of attachment: a desire wrapped up in the shortsighted self, that focuses on narrow outcome. No wonder they think it's overrated. But when it comes to the alternative ... can love hurt? Can you love someone and act against what they perceive their interests to be? ]

I don't know if I would've really grokked it before everything that happened in Venera. I mean, intellectually, sure, but just in terms of--

[ Matt pauses. ]

Being cruel got people out of it. Or at least, making them sufficiently uncomfortable made it so they couldn't stay in the ... Innocence state, whatever you want to call it. The delusion.

[sterngaze]

[That sure is… a lot to take in. Liem remains quiet, radiating faint hints of scepticism and uncertainty through their communion. This story sounds profound at best, but at worst, it sounds extremely suspect. He doesn’t know what to do with it.]

I didn’t know this was something your faith and the Regent’s shared.

[He can see more clearly now how Paul might be able to accept his new purpose so readily, despite the end of everything he left behind, but this new knowledge only makes Liem feel more adrift.]

Did those blessings accompany you here?

[vivificantem]

I don't know if all of them did; I can't be sure about one of them unless someone tries to kill me, which isn't something I invite people to do? For...obvious reasons.

Most of them are with me, though.

[So there's that, at least.]

Like I said, though, this isn't necessarily about my personal religion. It's about usefulness to the Regent - I can't offer a lot, all things considered, but I can offer this much.

[vivificantem]

I don't think it's something that you can fully understand on just an intellectual level. It's something you have to experience for yourself; you have to feel it, you have to let it resonate.

[It isn't the first time he's loved people like that. Some small, dark part of him wonders whether that's the only way he knows how to love people.]

I can see where it's a hard thing to really accept, though.

[semicharmed]

What does it feel like?

To you, I mean.

[ Paul juuuuust said you had to feel it for yourself, but maybe he'll allow Matt a teeny bit of cheating.

Not that Matt's sure this is the right question--how it feels. How any action feels. But the inside of his own brain is mostly numb on the subject, so any potential leads are welcome. ]